To the great heart and fortified fortress that clung to my name, establishing its base, strengthening its pillars, and crafting its history.

To the one whose memory continues to console me whenever nostalgia overwhelms me and my suffering prolongs. My pen humbles itself and bows down before you, apologetic...

We have disrupted your tranquility with our relentless needs and demands. You made us the essence of your concerns even before we were born. Our destinies intertwined with yours, making your sacrifices obligatory. Your days flowed through our fingers, without us realizing the weight we had as we danced around you and jumped on your back.

I won't hide from you my longing for your sharp glances despite their withering, and your roaring laughter despite its rarity. I miss your summer sea voyages, and your countryside strolls when the earth greens and winter intensifies. I remember you with the rise of the call to prayer, during Eid mornings, and with the fall of the rain. I can smell your fragrance full of your booming voice, but these memories don't alleviate your last journey for me, rather they terrify me, oppress me, and exacerbate my loss of your details.

Now, I understand that life had been harsh to you before us, when you were deprived of parental tenderness as a child. You were not used to showing your emotions, which we sensed through your actions and protective glances, ensuring no harm or disruption affected our peace. I realized your toughness, accepted your words, loved your strength and your strictness, ending up being your reflection.

You were not easy-going, but a formidable man with a stern aura, not allowing anyone to challenge you, oppose your orders, or go out without your company – and I can't deny being exempted from some of this. Therefore, I never objected, convinced of your fear for us and your protection against what was outside the wall.

However, your departure scattered the unity I never thought would untie. The lion has left his den. The ascetic, the stern, the religious man is missing from his temple. We lost the amulet that protected us from jinn, and the morning hymns. The candle was extinguished and its radiance that surrounded us was diminished, leaving us like a small, featherless bird thrown in the middle of a crowded road, rain pouring in front of its eyes, unable to discern the direction it must take to avoid life’s blows that would shatter its bones and scatter its remains.

I know that you are punishing me because I made you cry on my wedding day. I saw your rare tears as you turned your face away from me in anger, your face flushed, veins prominent. The understanding of a nineteen-year-old girl was not mature enough then to comprehend the pain of separation, caused by her move to a house only tens of meters away.

It wasn't until years after your departure that I understood that my distance grieved your heart and hastened your departure. I discovered that I was busy building my future family, unknowingly demolishing the past that will continue to chase me... Shock stole my tears and falsified the truth of your absence, as you were always missing, then returning, longing for my little fingers running through your hair strands. I would smell your breath as you surrendered in my tiny hands, telling me stories, spoiling me with your humor.

But after your absence prolonged, and I realized we would no longer be together, I wept for you so passionately until my breath shattered and my heart ripped in grief over you. I did not share my sadness, for I wanted you, even in your absence, all to myself. I mourned the days with you that will never return, places that vanished from my map, and occasions emptied of your presence. I look at your picture that never left my phone, and talk to it, discovering that you still had curiosity to know our news?

Let me assure you, my father, our situation hasn't changed much. Your benevolence did not fade with your absence. Like a tree, we shelter under its extended branches, it gathers us together despite the long streets and house walls that separate us. After you handed the banner to my mother, she took the helm of the ship, steering it safely. That weak lady derived strength from your absence, which initially broke her, but she shook off her sadness to deal wisely with the trials and losses that grew after you.

Can I tell you a secret? Your eldest daughter, who always opposed you and disagreed with you, is filled with regret and seeks your approval after your absence exhausted her. She wishes for your days to return so she could hide between your wings. And your little brother is still angry, lost, looking among faces for you. You left him at an age where he was neither too young to forget nor old enough to bear the pain of your departure. We all leaned on the shoulder of our eldest brother who was born without a childhood, a young father carrying your traits, who found himself, without desire or choice, carrying our destinies after one of my brothers suddenly decided to leave us without saying goodbye.

I hope you excuse my frankness, as I excuse your lack of communication. Therefore, I will never cease inscribing my words that boil after your visits to my dreams smiling, reassuring, so my locks are unlocked with the morning to light my darkest days.

Even though you did not know how to read, twenty years after your departure, I have decided to place my letters next to your grave on my next visit, because you will always remain in the heart of your little girl.