Love has always been central to Dravidian civilization – a society that embraced passion, personal choice, and the sanctity of human relationships

By Bishop Dr. J Ravikumar Stephen G.

Celebrate Love: A Dravidian Legacy

Love has always been central to Dravidian civilization – a society that embraced passion, personal choice, and the sanctity of human relationships. Tamil Sangam literature, renowned for its poetic expressions of romance, portrays love as a force that transcends social barriers, uniting couples based on mutual affection rather than rigid societal norms.

Dr. B R Ambedkar recognized the profound cultural and linguistic identity of the Dravidians, tracing their influence across the Indian subcontinent. He noted that Tamil was once the language of the Nagas _(natives of South Asia)_ across India, later displaced in the North due to political assimilation. In Dravidian tradition, the natural attraction between man and woman—the very essence of life—was never suppressed but celebrated as part of nature’s divine order.

The Transformation of Marriage Practices under Aryan Influence

With the Aryanization of South Asia by Indo-Parthian, Indo-Greek, and Indo-Aryan rulers, the concept of marriage underwent a significant transformation. Several new marital customs emerged, shaping societal norms and redefining the union between man and woman.

1. Arranged Marriages in Vedic Aryan Society

In early Vedic times, marriages were primarily arranged based on *’varna* (caste)’ and ‘gotra (lineage)’ considerations. The key characteristics of these marriages included:

-Parental Involvement: The selection of a groom was the primary responsibility of the bride’s father.

Kanyādāna (Gift of the Daughter): The bride was ceremonially “given away” to a groom deemed suitable, symbolizing her transition into her husband’s family.

Horoscope Matching: Astrological compatibility played a crucial role, particularly in later Vedic traditions.

Dowry and Gifts: While dowry was not originally a requirement, the exchange of gifts was common.

2. Swayamvara – A Controlled Choice

The ‘Swayamvara’ (meaning “self-choice”) was an ancient marriage practice where a royal princess had the right to choose her husband from a gathering of eligible suitors. However, while it allowed women some autonomy, the selection process was often influenced by ‘political considerations’, ‘familial alliances’, and the ‘suitors’ abilities’. A notable example is ‘Draupadi’s Swayamvara’, which was structured to favor Arjuna, demonstrating how family influence remained decisive even in so-called “self-choice” marriages.

3. The Eight Types of Marriages in Vedic Culture (Manusmriti 3.21-26)

The Vedic tradition classified marriages into eight types, each varying in social acceptability and moral standing:

1. Brahma Marriage: The ideal arranged marriage, where a father gives his daughter to a virtuous groom without expecting anything in return.
2. Daiva Marriage: The bride is given to a priest as part of a religious offering.
3. Arsha Marriage: The groom presents a token gift (often cattle) to the bride’s father.
4. Prajapatya Marriage: Similar to Brahma marriage but emphasizing duty over affection.
5. Gandharva Marriage: A marriage based on mutual love and consent, without family arrangements (akin to modern love marriages)
6. Asura Marriage: The groom offers wealth or valuables to acquire the bride (considered improper but practiced)
7. Rakshasa Marriage: The bride is abducted by force, as seen in Krishna’s abduction of Rukmini.
8. Paisacha Marriage: The most condemned form, involving coercion or deceit.

The ‘Aryan influence’ reshaped India’s cultural landscape, reinforcing hierarchical and caste-based constraints on marriage.

Love and Marriage in Sangam Tamil Literature

To understand Dravidian marriage traditions, we must turn to ‘Tamil Sangam literature’, which offers a stark contrast to the rigid structures of Vedic traditions. Unlike Vedic texts, Sangam poetry is rich with references to love, romance, and marriages based on ‘personal choice’. These poems celebrate the emotional depth, spontaneity, and mutual affection of love marriages.

Love and Elopement (Kalavu) in Sangam Poetry

Sangam literature often portrays ‘young lovers meeting in secret, falling in love, and eloping’. The following poetic examples illustrate various aspects of love marriages:

Kuruntokai (Poem 40)

You and I, how do we know each other?

Yet, like rainfall on red earth,

Our hearts in love merged into one.

Natrinai (Kapilar, Kurinji Thinai)

Truthful in speech and eternal in sweet friendship, he does not know parting from my arms.

My friendship with my esteemed man is great, like sweet honey made in the tall sandal trees, by bees that collect cool pollen from lotus flowers.

Just as the world cannot live without water, I cannot exist without him…

These poems reflect the ‘autonomy Tamil women had’ in selecting their husbands based on love.

Image provided by the author

Love Cannot Be Silenced

Across the Earth, the cycle of life continues in both the ‘plant and animal kingdoms’, ensuring fertility and sustenance. This process is guided by the natural attraction between male and female—a ‘fundamental principle of existence’ that aligns with nature’s divine order. ‘In this context, lust is not inherently wrong; rather, within the sacred bond of committed marriage, it transforms into something divine.’

In ancient times, Aryan kings ‘discouraged marriage’, believing that ‘unmarried men made better warriors’. A millennium ago, as ‘wars consumed human civilization’, people gradually lost touch with the ‘passion and artistry of love’. To preserve and educate future generations, societies carved ‘intricate erotic sculptures’ into temple steeples, such as those in the ‘Konark Sun Temple’, serving as ‘visual lessons on love and intimacy’.

Non-Aryan Bhauma-Kara dynasty ruled Kalinga in the 8th, 9th, and 10th centuries. To make inroads into the plains of Kalinga, the Somavamshi dynasty ruled coastal fought several wars, till they conquered them. Guides at the _’Konark temple complex’ narrate how, after the War, a vast number of soldiers perished, leading to a severe scarcity of men in Kalinga. The ‘sculptures within the temple complex depict a variety of intimate acts and sexual positions’ (refer to the second image), meant to educate and preserve the tradition of love and procreation.”

The origins of ‘Valentine’s Day’ share a similar spirit—when ‘Emperor Claudius II of Rome banned marriages’, fearing that ‘married men were less effective in battle’, ‘St Valentine defied the decree and secretly officiated weddings, upholding the sanctity of love.

Yet, even today, the ‘celebration of love faces resistance’. Every year, couples encounter ‘hostility simply for expressing their affection’. ‘Valentine’s Day’, a ‘global symbol of love’, has become a battleground where fundamentalist forces attempt to ‘suppress the natural right to love’.

Love is the ‘foundation of human connection’, a ‘force that unites souls and strengthens societies’. The ‘Dravidian Gond community’ still practices the ‘concept of ‘Kalavu’, preserving the ‘tradition of love-based unions.

This Valentine’s Day, let us reclaim this spirit. *’Until we establish a Dravidian Day of Love in our cultural calendar, let us proudly celebrate St Valentine’s Day as a testament to our enduring belief in love, choice, and togetherness.’

Among the Dravidians, there is no caste, creed, or religious divide.* ‘Declare your love with pride’. ‘Stand for the freedom to choose your partner’. ‘Uphold the Dravidian spirit of love, passion, and commitment’.

‘Happy Valentine’s Day!’