Fehmi Ajvazi, an eminent author from Kosovo, has shared his book ‘In the Kingdom of Death’ published in Albanian in 2012 in Pristina, and in Romanian in 2019, and was translated from Albanian to English 

Fehmi Ajvazi author

[In March 1999, the Serbian regime blanketed Kosovo with a contingent of 120,000 regular police, military, and civilian paramilitary forces. Just about two weeks before NATO’s intervention in Kosovo began, the region was surrounded on all sides, while pockets of the interior (villages and towns) were hit with arrests, liquidations, and massacres. Kosovo became a reservation. A kingdom called the “Kingdom of Death” established authority everywhere! However, some areas were controlled by insurgent liberation forces, and in some places, Serbian forces couldn’t penetrate. Well, the hatred between Serbs and Albanians was the same, but the bullets were the same too: they brought death to everyone, and it was no problem for the “bullet” whether the target was Albanian or Serbian. I mean, the forces of the Kosovo Liberation Army held some territory and kept it free! But about ten days before NATO planes launched their attack in their battle for Kosovo, Albanian insurgents managed to have the world’s most powerful force as their ally: the NATO alliance. However, no one had managed to master a pact with death. Just a few days before March 24th, the “Lady of Death” was the ruler of Kosovo, in reality, she was the ruler of the Albanian citizens of this extremely small territory! And for the third time in history, the state of Serbia wanted nothing more and nothing less than: the ethnic cleansing of Kosovo. Over 1 million residents before March 24, 1999, challenged “this kingdom” by saying, “Here we are, your power is not the power of God!” I had decided to stay, not to leave. I was a journalist, but also a creator. And so, I had no idea what dilemmas lay in this direction, despite the open threats from the Serbs, and I knew well that they would try to wash their hands of us like Pontius Pilate! Regardless of every situation and circumstance, I sacrificed to be a witness to a time and a history without parallel! Yes, a witness…! And everything I have said and written about literary-historical conditions is in this book – a testimony. Therefore, this book is a source and my personal experience of a time I pray will never be repeated – anywhere. Just as I pray for the souls of those who did not come out alive in this “kingdom of death” in the third millennium! Read the truth about Kosovo…  Author]

THE SILENT DIARY PAGES

Message from the darkness

It is 4:55 in the morning of March 25, 1999. I’ve taken a blue pen and an old notebook to see if I can continue writing a few lines about these inexplicable hours. Certainly, under the light of the crescent moon. There is no electricity. But even if there were, who would turn on the lights tonight? I cautiously move my hand under the dim moonlight as I want to put my experiences, absolutely unknown and inexplicable, onto paper. I feel like I’m in a coma, or like someone resurrected from death. My head throbs, my ears buzz. It began…

Yes, the bombings have finally started. Can you imagine seeing and hearing them? I can’t stand it. I am overjoyed. But I am also worried. Oh, it’s difficult, very difficult for me to avoid the sad thoughts that come to me and wrap my head in a fog. No one knows what will happen from now on, neither how our individual and collective fate will be. No one knows when the bombings will end, although their end will depend on how much Belgrade can withstand them. We experience bombings and silence, graveyard silence, hour by hour. The hours, especially, have turned into “years.” The passage of time feels like the movement of a dinosaur. However, “Day 24” is crawling away like a snake shedding its skin, leaving us in turmoil: happy, on one hand, that Belgrade is being struck, and worried, on the other, about the unknown steps Belgrade might take against us.

Now, the new morning has begun, the morning of the kingdom of death! Kosovo seems to be stretched in a sarcophagus. The executioners, insane and armed with sharpened knives, are ready to take lives! So, what should we do, die of fear? No. Although fear is normal among people, we will try to survive.

We have closed the windows of our apartment so that nothing from the outside can be seen. A graveyard silence reigns everywhere. The entire capital is enveloped in an unprecedented quietness. For the past two hours, the attacks have ceased. They have been, as far as I can tell, fierce, beyond words. But we don’t know what has happened beyond the walls of our homes. What are the consequences of these initial bombings? Only the night bears witness to these strikes. It seems that Shpresa is asleep. No, she’s not sleeping, she’s pretending to sleep. Undoubtedly, she’s very scared. I don’t want to disturb the little peace that currently reigns in our room. Besides, I don’t even know what to say or what to tell her. Also, it seems that Niku is sleeping too, as he doesn’t make a sound. Yes, it really seems like he’s sleeping like an angel.

I won’t write anymore. What else can I write? I’m going to the other room to light a cigarette. Please don’t abandon us, Almighty! Stay with us! Help us in these life-and-death moments! At least, don’t forget us! That’s all we ask of you.

March, 25th

Today is the fourth day of spring. NATO airstrikes are relentless. The attacks haven’t stopped, almost throughout the entire night. It’s very likely that Pristina is a primary target, as one of the main focal points of NATO aircraft strikes. Neither my wife nor I have managed to get any sleep. Perhaps, not even all those who have made it to this morning are still alive. Can one sleep through fire?

Bomb explosions and “Cruise” missile strikes have likely occurred all over Kosovo. But we still don’t know what has happened, what the situation is like. The explosions of the ammunition depots in Hajvali are also continuing. They haven’t stopped even now. Morning is breaking. As I write these lines, in moments of indescribable physical and spiritual anguish, the time is 7:15 AM. Like a dinosaur, the darkness is receding. The never-ending night is also dissolving on the horizon. The separation of night from day is beginning over Hajvali. This, my dear, is the first morning after the start of NATO bombings on the “FRY” and Kosovo, on the Balkans. What had been talked about and discussed for so long (sometimes as “politics,” sometimes as a formula for “dialogue,” sometimes as a “message and threat,” sometimes as a way to solve the problem directed at Belgrade) has begun to become a reality. I’ve slowly and carefully approached a corner of the window, the window of the room facing the eastern side of the apartment. Beyond the carefully drawn curtains, I manage to see the low and barren hills above Matiqan neighborhood. No one is moving. Neither the dogs nor the chickens. Even the morning birds aren’t singing, though spring has begun.

The day is taking shape. I continuously keep my gaze beyond the glass, and I see how over Hajvali, a dense column of smoke with a beautifully wide diameter stretches out “powerfully” over fields and trees, over the rooftops of houses. This obelisk has been formed by the smoke of exploded munitions so far. Furthermore, the overcast sky eerily reminds me of images of either a concluded battle or one that has just begun. The half-naked hills that stretch between the “Bregu i Diellit” neighborhood and the village of Matiqan (in front of Pristina) resemble ancient burial mounds. The tall mountains of Gërmia and Gollaku to the northeast look lifeless. Nothing stirs; it’s silent. I step away from the window. I write again. A somber morning envelopes us everywhere. A mournful morning shrouds Kosovo intensely. The “Serbian empire of genocide” can now begin (if it hasn’t already) its insane rampage. It’s the first day of its complete power. My initial elation for the start of the bombings begins to fade and diminish under the expected weight of Serbian violence. Although I don’t know to what extent they will react, if they will react, or what actions they will take, their movements will undoubtedly be destructive. I am convinced that various Serbian forces will not wage war against the Albanians but commit a great act of vengeful population displacement, one that will be a genocidal crime.

Challenge what can be challenged. Simply put: do not give up. This is the beginning. This is the beginning of the end, the true moment of freedom.

Now, it’s exactly 8:23 minutes past. The new morning has begun, the morning of the kingdom of death! Kosovo seems to be stretched in a sarcophagus. The executioners, insane and armed with sharpened knives, are ready to take lives! So, what should we do, die of fear? No. Although fear is normal among people, we will try to survive. We’ll stand our ground, no matter what happens to us. We must not weaken beyond what is necessary. Challenge what can be challenged. Simply put: do not give up. This is the beginning. This is the beginning of the end, the true moment of freedom. Because the ultimate change has begun. This is how I understood it yesterday, actually last night. It will never be like yesterday again, nor like yesterday. It will never be like today, for all those who will remain alive…  (Continues)