This is my second article on Love which deals with Family Love. I have already discussed the idea of Fraternal Love. I am intrigued by the modern penchant for going solo which actually is a grave threat to the idea of family love. Can we narrow down the definition of the family to only one spouse with one or two kids to bring up? By traditional standards, family means husband, wife, kids and parents. In the modern times which lay more stress on human freedom and free,  we discover that spouses do not find it easy to forego their freedom, in order to compromise, as a result of which, they prefer separation. The children suffer when parents separate, as they grow up with a divided psyche, which is injurious to their mental development as good human beings.

Personal Freedom

In these times of personal freedom, girls and boys are under no pressure to marry. They are more interested in their career. As a result of this mindset, they try to delay marriage. And even when they marry, the decision, after a lot of calculations and deliberations, goes in favour of career-conscious partners who can bring in a salary.  But soon they discover that there are so many external factors which are impacting their relationship. The man can fall for another colleague. Similarly,   the woman too can be pampered by the boss. It leads to mutual distrust, followed by tensions. Now, they have three options. Some lucky ones get to separate by divorce. But, there are some unfortunate people also who try to get rid of their disloyal partners the Crime Patrol way and land in jails. But a greater number of people try to live on, for the sake of kids. This is a life of constant warfare, which is also not good for either of them. A marriage which gets derailed is a curse, and the partners feel: it was better if they had remained solo.

The Challenges of Single Blessedness

Now, that one has decided to go solo, is it easy to carry on singlehanded? If you have a growing up child, going solo can be a very difficult decision for the lady, as well as the child because a single lady is often the target of undue masculine interest. This is a society which does not respect the decision of a woman to stay single. Most of the times, parents force them into unwanted marriages. If they resist it, the office colleagues often keep eyeing them with temptation. The worst of all is, as I am talking of India, no woman is safe in this society who goes to office, and is single, and who has to work at night shifts. No doubt, there are millions of women who are working in night shifts, and they have never encountered any issues, but it is no guarantee they will not face any problems. The young men of the neighborhood remain restless and are always in pursuit of young working ladies. We must accept that Indian society is a society of sexually starved people. A woman, married or solo, is an object of desire for them. And, hundreds of young men have no gainful employment to wean them away from this fruitless pursuit.

So far as singlehood for a woman is concerned, we must respect her decision. Nobody has any right to shadow her when she goes out for her office work. There should be a special night squad for their protection. The lady police should be in position at night, and if there is any complaint, they must take a very strict action, so that it is exemplary for others, and they take lessons.

Single Motherhood

It should not be forgotten that most of the women going solo are separated from their husbands, and most of the times, they are having the responsibility of bringing up a son or a daughter. It is like a tight rope walk. No one has the right to disturb a woman who is walking this tight rope. Rearing up children is no less than a meditation.  Those who disturb her march, need strict punishment.

It is because of these issues of safety that in the past, people practised female infanticide. People used to mourn the birth of a girl child. The reason is simply this: it is difficult to bring up a girl child, then to marry her off. Apart from dowry, the real fear is her honour. When women choose the solo path, it is this sense of honour which makes the journey difficult. In fact, our advanced society must ensure a free working environment for women, so that people who beget daughters do not feel they should have got a son.

An Unhealthy Philosophy

Men too going solo have behind their decision a rather unhealthy philosophy, not to be bound to one woman, and remain free in their choices. Marriage demands commitment and loyalty, while men who believe in going solo are in denial mode. It is a fact, however, that a partner whom you do not like, and with whom you do not agree is a threat to mental peace. If you set up a home with her, it is an invitation to nonstop warfare. In such circumstances, life is no more than a verbal duel. All talk of higher thought is buried under the debris of an incompatible alliance.  So, better alone than in a bad company, they conclude.

In my opinion, going solo offers no guarantee of peace and happiness. Man and woman, who decide to go solo, have to face more challenges. Single blessedness is no blessing, in fact. The most challenging issue for such people is their physical relations. Are they free to choose any partner, any time? Such relations without a moral commitment, cannot be socially acceptable or morally elevating.  After all, going solo is not the norm, but an exception.

One major flaw that I feel here is that those who are narcissistic, and do not accept any compromise, violate the natural instinct of procreation and sharing of personal achievements. It is a disastrous dimension of human passion when one wants to grow individually, without extending his love and affection to others. Those whom we find going solo are mostly people who have suffered in marriage, or those who love their own freedom too much. In these days, these people cannot be faulted for entertaining such passions. The only issue that irks social consciousness is:  the glorification of the self at the cost of the social.

Ideally, I think, the decision to go solo is not a socially uplifting decision. Marriage, though, should not be a passion with young men. They must concentrate on their intrinsic powers to create beauty. However, when they come to marriage, it has to be a normal flowering of love. Marriage without love is no less than a curse. The way we marry is also not defensible. Marriage is not a matter of convenience, nor a show of wealth. Those who are going to marry must try to negotiate this turn with care, and the only passion that should rule the choice of partners is: love, and its durability.

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Published under International Cooperation with "Sindh Courier"